When I was young I drove a 1970 240z sports car. It was a great car, but one day it developed a hesitation when I would accelerate. So I pulled it into our family garage and proceeded to fix the problem. After several days of frustration I concluded I was never going to be able to fix this car. Truthfully I had no idea what could be causing the problem but that didn't stop me from trying.
The next day I drove the car to a local mechanic to see what he thought. After about 30 seconds of listening to my car the Mechanic said four hours and $100 and you’re as good as new. When I returned after four hours the mechanic said to me it is more than he had originally diagnosed. It was not only the part he had already replaced but it was also something else as well. He said he had taken the liberty of ordering the part and if I approved he would install it right away. By now all I wanted was my car back on the road so I said ok. Over the next three hours he changed several more parts and had compiled a $400 bill for parts and labor. As I watched him work on my car I honestly thought to myself several times I wonder if this guy really knows what he is doing. You see he was a great local do-it-all farm community mechanic but about now I am beginning to have serious doubts if he has what it would take to fix my high performance sports car. I guess all the tractors and farm trucks parked in the shop should have given me a clue. But it was just as I had feared. When I got in my car and drove off the hesitation was no better.
From there I drove straight to the best mechanic I knew that specialized on import cars. When I arrived I asked the mechanic what he thought it could be but he would not guess. He said why guess and be wrong when the computer will do a proper diagnosis. After about 15 minutes of computerized testing the mechanic turns to me and said, “You’re lucky! It is just a sensor under your dashboard, give me about 20 minutes.” You guessed it within 20 minutes I am driving down the road and my car was driving better than never before. As I drove I replayed the words of the second mechanic, you’re lucky it’s only a sensor. To tell you the truth I sure didn't feel very lucky!
So what was the really problem? I had taken my car to a good mechanic that did not have the skill to work on hi performance import cars. After he had replaced $400 worth of car parts he still did not have the problem solved. He had a great reputation in the community. But his skill set was in the area of heavy equipment. He tried and tried but at the end of the day he just did not have the skill set to stop my reoccurring problem.
Whenever we face problems that take more skill then we posses we are setting ourselves up for reoccurring problems that produce hard thresholds in our lives. So what is the answer? Increase our skill and competence to match the level of challenges we face.
One day Tammy and I decided to take a scenic fight around the San Wan Islands. We had attended a marriage advance to strength our relationship. I have discovered there are many things in life at this point i really can't afford. An example would be a jet airplane. I was speak approximately 300 times per year all around the world. I spend allot of time in airports. If I had my own airplane it would make my life easier, more effective and give me the ability to accomplish more. But honestly I can’t afford an airplane. There are several things I would love to have like an airplane but right now I cannot afford them. But there are some things I cannot afford not to afford like investing in my marriage. So back to our scenic flight. It was a beautiful day. As we lifted of the runway I held Tammy's hand and thought to myself how could life be any better than this. Our pilot was a very humorous man, he kept us very entertained. But after awhile the pilot said the weather was unexpectedly changing! He said I hope no one’s disappointed but I think we better turn around. As he turned the plane around i was shocked to see the sky was black with the occasional bolt of lightning. We were at least 45 minutes from the little island airport.
The runaway was right on the waters edge. I remember as we made our approach we were just a few feet above the water. Next i remember the beach and then the rocks. I pacifically remember the rocks. The pilot lined up with the runaway but as the plane approached the runway the wind started to blow us off our course! It became clear to me we were not going to make it onto that runaway. The wind was blowing across the runaway what felt like hundreds of miles per hour. But our pilot kept his cool. He said this kind of thing happens all the time in these islands. I will make a few course adjustments and come in under a little more power and get you safely on the ground. As we approached the runway the second time the pilot lined up a little up wind with a lot more power. The plane was bouncing all over the sky. My heart about stopped when the wind blows us across the runaway and the pilot pulled up for the second time. I will never forget how loud the lady sitting in the seat behind me screamed. As we came around for our third attempt the pilot never said a word. This time he just stared straight ahead at the runway. This time he made a bolder course adjustments.
As our plane bounced down the runway I remember thinking to myself, “This pilot does not have the right people working with him today!” he needed provisional relationships. So who would be Provisional Relationships in the life of a pilot and who would be the everyday relationships. The Provisional Relationships would be a Co-Pilot, a Navigator, The men and women in the control tower! These are the relationships that would help a pilot successfully negotiate a storm and navigate the night to successfully reach their destination! Our pilot had none of these people in his life that day. I was sitting in the Co-pilots seat, Tammy is in the navigators seat, and there was no one in the little airports control hut.
Now lets look at the normal relationships in the life of a pilot! They would be the check in people, the ticket people, the ground crew, the baggage handlers and the flight attendants. These are the people who will bring our pilot a chicken sandwich and help him with his luggage. It's good for our pilot to have both kinds of people in his life. But he better not get confused about what each kind of relationship is there for! He could take it or leave it on the chicken sandwich but as for his Provisional Relationships they are crucial for him to successfully reach his destination!
Lets say our flight attendant has a meal for our pilot. So she knocks on the flight deck door. Sir I have your lunch, it is a chicken sandwich. The pilot tells the flight attendant thank you then proceeds to ask her if she could help settle a disagreement between himself and co-pilot. The pilot tells the flight attendant that he is tied of the control tower telling him what to do all the time, like speed and elevation. And the co-pilot wants to do everything by the book. But I was thinking, you have been serving chicken sandwiches on airplane for over twenty years, what do you think I should do about the storm ahead? The flight attendant holds her hands together over her heart and says, Oh thank you for asking me what I think. I have been riding on airplanes serving chicken sandwiches for over twenty years and no one has ever asked me what I think about flying planes. I have read a few magazines and watched a few movies about airplanes so yes I do have a few ideas. Do you realize what the potential problems we could face if our pilot would do that?
It was on our third attempt our pilot was able to land that little plane. I can say with confidence I will never forget that plane ride! In each of our lives we will be forced to make hundreds of course adjustments to stay our course and reach our destination! It is so very important that we know who are and who are not our Provisional Relationships, because External Forces are always pushing against us!
